me.me.me

Gone with 2011, its the new year again

2011-12-31T21:09:00.005+08:00

i haven't been blogging, for like almost a year.

I took this chance to stay at home on the last day of 2011 to reflect upon this special year. The thing I want to change, remains. My 2011 resolution didnt work out. (shit) Honestly, i've grown into my comfort zone, and thats deadly. Perhaps i'm generally satisfied, took a step back and the big picture is still rather pretty.

There were many instances that I kept reminding myself to be proactive, to be motivated. But that part of me seems to be disintegrating away. I shall learn not to be overly-dependent and have the "watch how it goes" attitude. I need a change.

2011 was a year on fast-forward mode. The days and months zoomed past. Got a flat, got a car, and what's next? It was a year of which i feel that i've grown old. That someday, i may be someone's wife, have a house of my own, and embrace another new family. I can never be the parents' kid anymore. A bigger responsibility waiting ahead. That makes my stomach churns.

Anyhoo, I shall take on whatever challenge that is install for me, and make it better! Stay positive! Happy 2012 to all! :D

2011-03-25T23:40:00.003+08:00

有人告诉过我说

当可以把流到眼角的泪吞回肚里时，那就是坚强。

可悲。

2011-01-15T13:17:00.002+08:00

i can't believe i've fallen once again, to the anxiety and tears and uncertainties ahead. Being the usual inconfidence and pessimistic self, I've sunk and struggled so hard to survive.

I was hiding in my shell and comfort zone, so long that the goals were fogged and determinations gone. It was at the trough that I finally decided, to look further and beyond what ahead lies.

='(

2011-01-10T23:30:00.003+08:00

have you ever been upset with yourself? you just feel like kicking yourself hard so that all fantasy bubbles get popped and you'll wake up to reality?

*screams*

2011, new year new challenges?

2010-12-11T00:19:00.007+08:00

wow. its been another year, and boy, 2010 was a blast.

a decision probably affected how my year had worked out. All along, I have been constantly doubting on the ability of finding "the one". I dont know how, dont know why, but somehow he managed to surpass the fortress and came into my life. Talk about the knight in shining armour -_- Anyhoo, it was a big step forward and this relationship did bring many surprises and pockets of joy in my life. I might have loved someone with all my heart, might have pursued a love that will never return, might have cried my eyes out and lived in denial. But in 2010, I finally put it all behind me and started on a fresh page -- simply b'cos, we all moved on.

It's amazing how things fall into place. He might not be the perfect guy, might not be the perfect love, or might not even be "the one". For the unexplainable comfort we found in each other, thats enough. Now, I do understand the meaning of "companionship". Truely.

It was an eventful 2010. Malacca road trip, Phuket, Bali, Bangkok, USA and omg, Grand Canyon! So much to see, so much to experience. Its bad for the wallet, but good for the heart, mind and soul! And Sis' tied the knot in August! I'm happy she found herself someone whom she can entrust her future to =) must be shiok to be a tai tai. =p OH OH! and i finally did braces too!

Hiccups in life are usual i guess. Some worth the effort to make corrections, some actually... not. There are bound to have disappointments and period of setbacks. i know that I can't please everyone in the world. So don't expect me to be the goody yes-girl like before.

I'm not going to do any new year resolutions for 2011, cos plans change with decisions made. I only need 1 firm decision. Give me the light and courage.. I will take up this new challenge.

Living in a Dream

2010-11-21T20:29:00.008+08:00

I was at California-Nevada-Arizona for 10 days.

The amount of memories and experiences are beyond words.

First stop was at Fresno - Yosemite National Park.

Snow-capped mountains, waterfalls, falling maple leaves. I think I've walked into a picture.

San Francisco.

I love the architecture of the buildings and the old-fashioned trams and railway buses.

Las Vegas.

I finally know why it has a name of Sin City. With slot machines even in the airport and 7-11, it was irresistible to cash in your 1 buck for a gamble of luck. Statue of Liberty, Pyramid of Egypt, Eiffel Tower of Paris.. its 10 x of Universal Studio.

Grand Canyon.

A day trip to one of the 7 natural wonders in the world. Breathtaking.

The past 10 days felt like a dream.

And now that I've woken, its back to reality.

no pain, no gain?

2010-10-10T00:16:00.003+08:00

i'm in an irritable mood.

there is pain from the braces. every single teeth just hurts like hell. it feels like all my teeth are falling off. i cant bite, i cant chew, and i'm darn hungry now. argh.

i dont know what i'm getting myself into, seriously.

it just feels wrong. having to be the thing that i wanted.. my life long goal. from the 7 extractions of teeth to putting on the braces, its just pain, pain and MORE pain. i wanted so much to take a plier and cut off those wires now. really.

obviously, its my choice. no matter how much i complain, it is still going to stay with me for the next 2 years. *cries*

沒那麼簡單

2010-10-03T23:18:00.002+08:00

"什麼都不懂的年紀..曾經最掏心, 所以最開心...曾經."

inspired.

2010-09-27T21:34:00.003+08:00

a single decision, stirred me out of my cool. however emotional imbalanced i feel, i need to do sth to CHANGE. Pursue what you love.

Bali Trip (01/09/10 to 04/09/10)

2010-09-05T21:58:00.008+08:00

What was thought to be a lazy holiday... lying on the beach, sun-basking & listening to the waves.. turned out differently.

Bali, a sunny island located in Indonesia, is definitely one of the most popular tourist attractions. A birthday getaway trip, i packed my anticipation and expectations in the luggage, flew across the Java Sea and set foot on the island. I have to say that the first impression was not pleasant. A seemingly friendly porter (he is an airport staff!) whom tried to help us with our luggage, demanded a tipping of Rp100,000 (~SGD16). Anyway, now that I'm at the airport topic, there is also a compulsory passenger service charge of Rp150,000 (~SGD24) per pax when departing. I seriously don't know what (good) service do they provide.

The impression of Bali was redeemed and made different by Made (pronounced as "Mah"-"dey"). A chatty man in his 30s, he has been a driver + Bali tourguide for the past 15 years. He drove us around and provided explanations of the places. He speaks good English and provided service from the heart. He is very open in communication, from the earnings he get each day, to the Balinese culture; religion, marriage, and even funerals... he shared his knowledge and showed the desire to learn more.

There he is, us at the rice terrace. He made the difference. =)

Gunung Batu -- Active Volcano

Dreamland Beach -- v nice! big waves, white sands, blue water..

Jimbaran Sunset -- Dinner with feet in the sand

Sunset @ Uluwatu -- Temple at the Cliff

Pretty bouquet surprise~

Get a Life!

2010-08-15T22:47:00.003+08:00

Seriously, am i the only one dreading work days? am i the only one dragging feets to work? am i the only one suffering from "when-can-i-not-work" syndrome?

I'm uberly upset. Mentally and physically, anything and everything abt W-O-R-K.

ironically, I have a stable job, and a not-so-bad-income, what else am i not satisfied with? which part of me is wrong?

I terribly need to find the motivation, to make my life more enriching and fulfilling. Its not about saving the money and going for holidays. Its not about shopping splurge. ~~I think~~ Its about contentment, self-satisfaction, passion... finding joy in the things you're doing. Something is missing.

Sigh. Quarter-life crisis, maybe.

emotionless

2010-07-25T00:31:00.002+08:00

happy mask.

adventurous mask.

playful mask.

sociable mask.

cheeky mask.

whats for today?

A mask is an article normally worn on the face, typically for protection, concealment, performance, or amusement.

- wikipedia.

Mission impossible.

2010-07-22T22:42:00.003+08:00

i was holding a broken glass ball, mending it, slowly, afraid that it will break further. Each time, when i put a piece back, i will hold my breath, worrying that a single movement of atmosphere might cause it to fall apart.

It took me some years to mend it bit by bit, pieces by pieces. With extra loving tender care, i watched the glass ball almost patching up to a full sphere.

On an unfateful day, my glass ball was thrown off and clashed with another. My years of effort - gone. The dream of making the sphere look whole again, smashed.

Now, i got 2 broken glass balls. Well done.

Carpe Diem

2010-06-26T00:21:00.009+08:00

when i was in pri sch, i was told to think of an ambition. Ignorantly, i started listing the occupations such as lawyer, doctor & teacher. (Honestly, the only source of reference was from drama shows.) Unfortunately, dreams and reality dont match. As i grew.. i steered further and further away from those stated ambitions. The choices got eliminated along the way, and i took up what was left for me. Growing up isnt easy. Growing up and making choices have made it harder. A choice could have set me and you on a different path, meeting different people, having a different set of life. if i could choose my path all over again, i wont want to be where i am now.

i cant help thinking back on the days when i was more carefree.

the school days.

the drinking days.

the days that i'll go shopping alone.

the usual meetups.

sometimes, i just wan to lie in bed and dont wake up. i wan to stare into space and think empty.

yeah, thats self-denial. i wish i have the luxury to do that.

but life, i guess we all got to make the most out of it. To weigh the pros and cons along the way, and to differentiate the good from bad. There are so many things to consider to make a single decision. i always wish i'm brave enough to decide.

i was told " its how much you want it". If you really want it so bad, you'll attain and achieve that by hook or by crook.

i can.

An Expensive Lesson Learnt

2010-05-30T13:49:00.003+08:00

i was woken up by a phone call this morning - to postpone the date of my facial spa booking.

i signed a package with True Spa last September. Despite paying for it for 8 months, I've never tried to make an appointment or to go for any of their spa services. Finally, when i decided to bring pretty sansan for her belated birthday indulgence... a series of bad services slapped me hard in the face.

1. A new management took over True Spa in Apr -- Subtle Senses Pte Ltd. (and i was not informed!)

2. Called the spa consultant, only to be confirmed that she resigned.

3. Tried to make reservation over their hotline, but NOBODY picked up that damn phone.

4. In order to confirm the existence of the club, i went down personally to Taka to take a look. There, i met a few disgruntled customers. I've managed to book the appointment with the receptionist, for a date that is one month away. And, to top it up, the date must be confirmed by their booking department, after which will give me a confirmation call.

5. Two weeks later (today), they called to re-schedule the booking.

Can anyone tell me if this is the service that i should expect?

.. worse, i found this article.

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/408490/1/.html

should have done some homework before signing that darn package!!

move it, move it.

2010-05-20T20:53:00.003+08:00

i have been harbouring negative thoughts for quite some time. And to make things worse, i know its not good for my mental health. I've been feeling cranky, disheartened, unmotivated and unhappy. i know what i dont want, yet, not sure of what i really want.

I looked at the people around me.

I talked to them.

I realise everyone has a direction, a goal, a path that they are sure of taking.

what about me?

when everyone moved on, will I be the only one left behind? am I still going to be at the starting point?

I need to enrich my life.

I need to get a life.

I need to be self-motivated.

I cant slack off and do nothing.

I cant continue with this attitude.

If the environment cant be changed, then I should change to suit the environment.

An open mind, a positive attitude, a learning spirit.

I can do it!

Happy - Leona Lewis

2010-05-13T22:50:00.000+08:00

Someone once told me

That you have to choose

What you win or lose

You can't have everything

Don't you take chances

You might feel the pain

Don't you love in vain

Cause love won't set you free

I could stand by the side

And watch this life pass me by

So unhappy but safe as could be

So what if it hurts me

So what if I break down

So what if this world

Just throws me off the edge

My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

Don't care about

Other pain in front of me

Cause I'm just tryna be happy, yeah

Just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly

Just can't let it go

Just tryna play my roll

Slowly diasappear, oh

Well all these tears

They feel like they're the same

Just different faces,

Different names

Get me outta here

Well I can stand by the side, oh no

And watch this life pass me by

Pass me by

So what if it hurts me

So what if I break down

So what if this world

Just throws me off the edge

My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

Don't care about

Other pain in front of me

Cause I'm just tryna be happy

So any turns that I can't see

I'll count a stranger on this road

But don't save it down

Don't say anythng

So what if it hurts me

So what if I break down

So what if this world

Just throws me off the edge

My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

Don't care about

All the pain in front of me

I'm just wanna be happy

Happy happy

Just wanna be

I Just wanna be happy

wisdom - no more.

2010-05-05T15:47:00.003+08:00

other than the mundane work that i've always bored you with, here's something different.

plucked 3 wisdom tooth at one go.

i've had a total of ~8 shots of anesthetic. one word, PAIN.

and then i felt lots of pushing and digging and drilling to get the bottom one out. from my previous dental surgery experience, i thought i said i didnt wan LA anymore? sighs. i shall not back out on my braces plan. ~~ouch~~

what's wrong with me?

2010-04-25T23:34:00.005+08:00

i clicked on "shut down" and closed the the laptop.

damn, i should complete my work by SUNDAY, so that i can send out the doc on MONDAY. i looked at the words and paragraphs i typed, stared at it, and felt really pissed. i hated what i'm doing, i'm screaming in the head. But, nothing changes.

yes, life is about that half-filled glass of water. i should be contented that my glass is still half filled, rather than grumbling about where had the other half of water gone to. i should make the best out of whatever situation that i'm in, no matter how bad they are. i know, i should.

but what about the "i want"? The wants never come as an easy option. The wants always have some consequences and risks, some prices tagged to it. Too high a price to pay.

sighs.

hang in there i suppose? but, my branch is breaking.

time waits for no man

2010-04-06T00:48:00.003+08:00

it seems weird on how things changes...

when perspectives change, feelings change, and the topic ended up with some tinge of sadness.

thats how fate plays on us.

comparing to the "me" one year ago, not the same anymore.

tickle me

2010-03-09T21:59:00.007+08:00

tell me what's new.

when work becomes like a daily routine.

when arrows kept coming on top of the daily routine.

when the daily routine becomes a dread.

when fridays isn't exciting anymore, knowing monday is near again.

when motivation is drained dry.

when endurance is a constant self reminder.

when what you sowed is not equivalent to what you reaped.

i'm making effort to feel contented with what i have.

and man, its not working. rahh.

feeling fat & unmotivated & random

EXERCISE!

2010-02-25T20:12:00.006+08:00

when the first person say you're fat, it must have been misjudgment.

when the second person say you're fat, it must have been quite some time since he last met you.

when the third person say you're fat, you start to realise the accumulated fats around the arms and tummy.

when the fourth person say you're fat, you start to feel real sad.

when the fifth person say................you'll go, "Yar lars, i know i'm FATTER!!"

teeny weeny bit of consolation

2010-02-22T22:49:00.004+08:00

i was doing some calculations today at work and realised that:

having 24 hours a day and 365 days, we all have 8760 hours.

... say, you are working 8.5 hours a day for 20 days a month = 170 hours, hence for one year, you worked = 2040 hours,

...which is only about 23% of your time!

for those fortunately or unfortunately in the same coy as me, we got lesser hours...

... 155 hours a month for a year = 1860 hours,

... which means we only worked about 21% of the time AND 2% lesser than everyone else!!!

that is assuming we have 4 weeks a month and NO OT. but wow, how come it seems like we are working our ass off all year round?

SO moral of story is, if work is just ~20% of your life, don't make it seem like such a chore! (and thats a self-reminder.)

i'm...

2010-01-28T20:21:00.004+08:00

motivated.

efficient.

capable.

a winner.

gorgeous.

awesome.

happy.

relaxed.

stress-free.

in self denial.

and, i LOVE my job.

~~sighs.~~

memories thrown away.

2010-01-17T16:14:00.002+08:00

its a weekend of spring cleaning.

i've found memories dated all the way back to primary school. Autograph book, bookmarks, badges, report books! i've even kept one of the projects done in sec 1, "Greenhouse effects". Those were the days when computer wasnt a complement to studies. That report was hand written. haha.

i've thrown at least 3 boxes worth of memories. There were the letters written during secondary school days. Thinking back, kind of silly to exchange letters between classmates whom meet each other everyday. There were letters from suitors, few letters which i read and snorted. There were the birthday/christmas/new year wishes...The JC/Uni school notes which i had painfully written for revision..and things which i kept for donkey years and refused to throw.

AND SO, i've decided to part with those things that i've been keeping. More storage space and lesser baggage for year 2010, physically and emotionally.

contented

2010-01-05T22:37:00.007+08:00

life is not perfect, so i should learn to be contented.

there are times when i'm over ambitious, setting too high an expectation. i think complex and made life complicated. if i take a step back and look at what i have on hands, i realise i'm still fortunate.

of cos, things arent rosy for me. There are things that i've achieved, yet to achieve, and will never achieve. 1.5 years in the working society... i guess its time to start asking myself of a future that i want. So many options, but yet not all fit.

i'm rather certain that nothing will be changed in the short run. At least you wont b shocked by any major changes. I wont jump in for the things that i'm not ready for.

one last chance

Hello 2010!

2010-01-01T00:39:00.013+08:00

its a good start for 2010!... cos i'm here, spending the first hour with myself. no alcohol, no music, no ktv. Just me, and my reflections.

2009 has been good? Yup, I had fun!

There was the unforgettable Kelong trip, countless mahjong sessions, exciting driving lessons, shopping-crazy US trip, happening xmas celebrations... i love them all! Cant help to say the cliche phrase, "how time flies.." haha. i'm starting to sound old.

BIG achievements this year..

1) driving license

2) Set foot on the America's soil

3) Signed up for guitar lessons!

i can't believe how i did it, but i manage to survive through the above! the days were tough in US... *shudders* so glad its over!!

oh, time for new year resolution.

Healthy day!

2009-12-13T22:24:00.004+08:00

Sis signed up for this 1-month trial with California Fitness and pulled me along.

I think we spent more time listening to their sales talk than doing the actual workout. Half the time, i was spacing out and only replied with a smile when a question was asked. Good thing is, I was determined not to sign any packages. phew~

They did a comprehensive body composition analysis. A weighing machine look-alike device actually can calculate the body fat mass, protein, mineral & fat level, percentage of body and weight balance. Wow, i was very impressed. They have personal trainer to guide us with the machines too. Quite cool, but that's only if i got xtra cash. A jog at punggol park would hav cost me zero dollar. >.<

I must constantly remind myself that i'm not FAT.

Sunset Grill & Bar @ Seletar Airbase

2009-12-08T21:47:00.003+08:00

situated in an ulu-nated area all the way in Seletar Airbase....

away from the hustle and bustle..

nice place, almost felt like we're in m'sia. Eating next to runway and catching sight of the occassional planes taking off, was definitely an experience. Their famous: buffalo wings with a choice of level 1 -- 10 spiciness. We ordered level 3 and 4. O_O i guess 3 was my limit alr, nothing further. haha.

Other recommendations: Mashed potato, coleslaw, pork chop.

i'll go there again for their service! very impressed with the good service they provided. If you choose to sit outside, the bad things are the frequent dropping of ants from trees and irritaing houseflies. =X and you'll need a car to get there too!

the story goes....

2009-12-06T03:54:00.002+08:00

A baby shark was put into the same fish tank as a goldfish. Though in the same tank, they were separated by a transparent piece of glass.

Each day, the baby shark would try to eat the goldfish. He would crash into the glass, but failed all attempts to reach the goldfish.

Some months later, the owner removed the glass.

The baby shark remained at his portion of the fish tank, leaving the goldfish unscathed.

Why so?

Cos he had went through pain in all his attempts to reach the goldfish. He gave up finally, fearing to go through the pain again. He would rather be timely fed by the owner, wont go hungry anyway.

the joy within toughness

2009-11-14T12:25:00.006+08:00

sandy, dirty boots after a day's work.

off we go to the super center...

homecooked linguine. doesnt it look yummy?

some beers to kill the homesick-ness.

people that make this happens.

gan dongs.

2009-11-09T11:28:00.005+08:00

what have i done to deserve this?

i am truely touched by all of the cares and concerns. thanks alot people.. =)
i'm still surviving here. i was so touched when i received this from my boss...
"...nice to hear from you =) makes me feel like you're in office. 2 seats away =)"

ahhhh~ so sweets.

2009-11-05T10:12:00.001+08:00

there are two sides to a coin, and one says "positive".

ostrich.

2009-11-04T13:08:00.003+08:00

i love running away when i see problems.
i'll try ways to just sweep things under the carpet.
i'll try to convince myself to give up.
i'll try to go the easiest way out, with the least hurt and pain.

screwed. helpless.

laugh at me.

2009-11-03T12:57:00.002+08:00

i planned to wash clothes @ the hotel's laundromat today.
it cost me 4 x quarter dollar coins to wash, and another similar amount to dry.

ok, this is not the main point.

took out 4 x quarter dollar, insert into machine and waited. and then i thought i would have enough money for the washing machine but not enough coins for the dryer!!! geesh. i frantically looked for help from my next door colleague, but he doesnt have coins too. sads. SO, i walked past this vending machine that accepted notes. Being the rather smart me, I tried to put in a dollar note and pressed the coin return. and wooots!! 4 x quarter dollar coins came out!!!

this is not the main point either.

back to the laundromat, put the washed clothes in the dryer and inserted 4 x quarter dollars and i heard water gushing out. O_O its another washing machine lar!!!! NOT DRYER.

so i ended up washing my clothes twice and spending twice the amount to dry my clothes.
shortlived smartness. nice.

@ US

2009-11-02T12:39:00.005+08:00

i'm safe and sound and settled in US, Lawton.

long flight journey, i almost felt like taking another plane and head back to Singapore. and, i'm so not prepared for this trip. i can even forget to bring pen and paper lars! how to work like that. zzz.

this definitely wasnt a trip that i'm looking forward to. i wasnt even excited, didnt even bring out camera to take shots on plane and in the different transiting airports. This is so not me. Lugging the heavy luggage and and dragging feet along. the only carrot in front of me is... yars, u-should-know-what. Anyway, the few photos taken.....(we've got a nice SUV by the way.)

this will be where i'm staying for the next 18 nights......pretty cool, pretty comfy. i'll survive.

and its like burger for every meal. *puke* the serving is large, i always cant finish the food. wasteful~~~~ 2 days n i'm alr sick of fries.

i totally miss home lars. =(

a lil adventure on a sunday evening.

2009-10-18T23:40:00.004+08:00

i am missing those secondary sch days, when a group of us would go house visiting after school. most of the time in the name of "doing projects", so as to play n slack together.

nice yanjun offered to lend me some winter clothings for my US trip. with her stash of clothes laid on bed, she began to explain the different outfit for different coldness. it's gonna be my first time overseas for winter! this girl is so nice, that she even offered to cook us dinner! so we had spag and hot chocolate! i stood aside, watching her whipped up our dinner. heh.

such a nice girlfren to have. =)

escapist, something random.

2009-10-18T12:01:00.005+08:00

i messed things up.

the moment of giving in to temptation always end up having some complications. thats when i'm trying hard to make things right again. no matter how, no matter what. its like shitting in the pants and trying to clear it up. tsktsk. pls drop me reminders to keep myself in-control.

the week wasnt great after all. i'm getting jitters on my US trip as the date got nearer. (shopping list.. anyone?) roar. i dont feel competent lars........ jia lat. this is like an impending nightmare that gives me butterflies in the stomach. *shudders* =(

on another note, i'm really not a girl for sweet nothings.
give me goosebumps and sense of insecurity. so pls dont try.
n pls, keep at bay. anything further, i'll crash.

i'm attracted to ppl that's not attracted to me.

the ugly truth.

2009-10-11T01:58:00.003+08:00

how true?

felt like deja vu.
i wont walk into the trap.
keep in control.

Nickelback - If Today Was Your Last Day

2009-10-07T23:46:00.002+08:00

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear of the noun, the God above
That you finally fall in love

If today was your last day
If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin' stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?

Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear of the noun, the God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aW5afKx35zk

turkish delight!

2009-09-14T22:02:00.002+08:00

a turkish restaurant @ Arab street.
i like the setting, esp the little corner that they gave us.

the food...
there's a dates with milk that tasted... weird.
the butter king prawn didnt seem to have any butter at all..
the lamb chop is not bad! though i'm not a lamb chop person, i think it was rather good. i like the fats! tender n juicy!
the kebab is good too!

the service..
is bad. service staffs were too busy to attend to us. we've to ask many times for our order to be taken and have to call bill thrice before giving up and went straight to the counter.

pictures taken while waiting to be served....

thanks for the belated-birthday treat! =D

how fake. how sad.

2009-09-14T00:13:00.004+08:00

never have i thought that we've ended up in this way. i smiled, but not sincere. i replied, but didnt say what i really meant. how fake can jiayun gets? the mask with a smile and pretending as if everything's ok. i'm kind of sad by the ending. was it my doing or yours? we're not even at the stage to point fingers, i guess we just simply dont care and dont bother to salvage. with this, we still call ourselves friends.

~~sighs.~~

stupidity.

2009-09-07T21:59:00.001+08:00

SIAN.

thats how i felt when my rented car hit the pillar on my back-left. if this blogger is not spoilt, i would have BOLD it and change to the BIGGEST font and REDDEN it.

i purposely chose the widest parking lot (at least 3 empty lots) and did a reverse parking. Failing to check the left side mirror, i sent the car directly into the pillar. ouch. The wonderful thing was, i alighted from my veh, itchy-hand and touched the scratch. AND WOW. the paint dropped, at least the size of two 1 dollar coins. -__________________-

Gone are the shoe and dress and desktop i'm eye-ing to buy. And yes, taught me a lesson. i'm lucky that i've neither hit human nor car. If not i guess it'll have bigger implications. phew~

i was very much freaked out and traumatised yesterday. But i'm glad to be feeling ok now! at least i think i'm able to sleep tonight. hee. although still at the "wa lao eh" mood, at least i'm laughing at myself. There's always two sides on a coin, i am positive!

i want to flaunt this!

2009-09-05T01:23:00.000+08:00

*happiness*
with a hole in the pocket.

a new word today.

2009-09-01T21:19:00.002+08:00

woahh. i didnt know "menstrual cramp" comes in such chim medical word. anyway, i didnt feel good about this monthly-unbearable-wish-i-rather-die pain, so i decided to google it. for your general knowledge.

Dysmenorrhea (or dysmenorrhoea) is a medical condition characterized by severe uterine pain during menstruation. While most women experience minor pain during menstruation, dysmenorrhea is diagnosed when the pain is so severe as to limit normal activities, or require medication.

Dysmenorrhea can feature different kinds of pain, including sharp, throbbing, dull, nauseating, burning, or shooting pain. Dysmenorrhea may precede menstruation by several days or may accompany it, and it usually subsides as menstruation tapers off. Dysmenorrhea may coexist with excessively heavy blood loss, known as menorrhagia.

Some treatments:
1. Several nutritional supplements have been indicated as effective in treating dysmenorrhea, including omega-3 fatty acids, magnesium, vitamin E, zinc, and thiamine (vitamin B₁).
2. Non-drug therapies for dysmenorrhea have been studied, including behavioral, acupuncture, acupressure, chiropractic care.

i love wiki! ^^

2009-08-27T23:27:00.000+08:00

sometimes, some things dont have to be justified.
sometimes, you dont have to be responsible for everything in your world.

and so, i believe that the pasts are experiences/lessons for the greater things in present and future. yes, stop looking back, for the flowers had withered and time unrecoverable.

walk on.

Batam Trip!

2009-08-17T21:08:00.000+08:00

Turi Beach Resort...

Nice place to chill and relax. Practically nothing much to do except sitting at their cafe and enjoy the serenity. =)
jus remember to use more anti-mozzies cream. heh.

2009-07-29T23:02:00.001+08:00

i talk to myself.

2009-07-21T22:17:00.004+08:00

there has been some fun over few weekends. too much that make me feel i didnt have time for myself.

and tonight, i sat down to do some self-reflection.

ok, who says earning money is easy? ..sometimes i question myself if i deserve the paycheck i'm receiving each month. no doubt that work has become increasingly stressful.. independence and responsibility come into place once the assumed-learning-duration ends. talk abt being thrown into sea, struggling to learn how to swim... boo.

And the next thing, is to juggle between work, family and friends. i find myself talking less at home, and most of the time wasnt very patient. my bad. i think i should do more for my family, yes i should. and i should spend quality time with myself too.

as the days in the working society get longer, the materials desire get stronger. I started to yearn for the branded bags and wallets, even considering of getting a car. I've to constantly self-remind that these are wants and not needs. i'm at the brink to succumb to temptations.

apparently things failed to perform the way it should.
i shall not pursue any further.

Sabai Sabai

2009-07-19T16:47:00.008+08:00

Sabai is FUN!

the band is good. remind me of 97 days. it has been so long since i went clubbing... wooooo~ my first in a thai club. =) singing together like a concert, sitting right in front of the stage, the company, the music, everything seem to fit perfectly.

i'm loving it.

Kor's *5th Birthday!

2009-07-13T23:09:00.002+08:00

hehheh, shldnt reveal his age.

anyway, we were out of town, headed to KL and Genting.
I'm lazy to make nice picasa photos.

the big difference btw KL and Genting is weather!
it was darn cold at Genting, at least 12degree celsius! and very foggy! the blurry pictures aint cos my camera not good... its reli because of the fog!

i like the weather.. reminded me of australia. =) and its my first into casino too and won RM100. cool.

talk to my hand.

2009-06-28T23:49:00.002+08:00

i'm irritated with people that

1. dont use his brain to think, then talk
2. not sensitive with his words
3. trying to act as if he knows alot abt me
4. speak for the sake of speaking

its worse when u find all the above in 1 person.

i wonder how long can this happiness last.

2009-06-21T01:58:00.004+08:00

i'm super happy over getting my driving license, yet i'm wondering how long can this happiness last. crazy me. its like riding a rollercoaster, waiting for the ride to make a downturn while at the peak. It is too good to be true.

i'm the kind of person that will get scared when everything is smooth sailing. but when i'm riding the rough sea, i'll grumble and whine. yes, i contradict myself all the time. boo.

should i give up?

The first driving test.

2009-06-19T19:17:00.000+08:00

*grins*

irony.

2009-06-15T22:23:00.013+08:00

think, how often do you compare things?

walking in the supermarket, you saw one big rosy red apple and one small, not-s0-juicy-looking apple. Then, you looked up and see the dollar tagged to each apple. Can't afford the red rosy one? Take the alternative, they are apples anyway. OR, bring more money.

when you are at work, you are compared against your peers. Performance, salary, workload.. or even asthetic looks and material buys. arent you sick of being compared?

what makes people want to compare? human nature?
but have you thought of the basis to compare? if it is fair to compare?
would you have thought that it wasnt fair to compare apples from different countries with different weather? it wasn't fair to compare between human because each is one individual and their background is completely different? but its too theoretical. NOBODY will consider this before making a decision, unless, well you are going to write a paper on it.

sometimes, i just confuse and contradict myself.

wakeboarding!

2009-06-10T21:51:00.004+08:00

on a scotching hot saturday afternoon..........

we went WAKEBOARDING!

i was expecting myself to experience some sea sickness... but generally its ok. i love how the boat sped on the sea and the gust of sea winds that gushed across the face.

my first time to try out wakeboarding. it is really not easy!
i fell over many many times and felt so pai seh when the boat had to turn back and fetch me every 30seconds. yes, thats how cannot make it i am. BUT! i did manage to stand in the end!... for awhile la. haha. i was bloated with sea water at the end of the day.

lets see how the experts do it. they're really pro man!!

i want to go batam and play cheaper sea sports!!

the odds.

2009-06-04T21:42:00.002+08:00

i'm starting to place hopes on the weekly number draws.
the one with 4 digits and 6/7 numbers.

hur.

symptoms of becoming aunty.
i'm placing hopes at the wrong places.
~~mummy said if i continue to mahjong no guys will want me. oh wells.~~

the odds of getting all 7 numbers right is 1 in 8 million.
the odds of finding "the one" is 1 in 1 million (assumption: 4 million Singaporeans - 2 million females - 1 million children).

both odds doesn't look good.

2009-05-31T14:29:00.002+08:00

Self reminder:

1. Don't doubt myself.
2. Don't try to make others' problem to be my own.
3. Learn how to say "No".

4. Kick the filthy habit.

Gatherings

2009-05-24T23:34:00.003+08:00

its a weekend of gatherings.

Meetup with the IA peeps. its been so long! other than meeting ying at work, i hardly see the rest anymore. Janessa is missing in action....

then i met up teng and aug for dinner at chomp chomp. the food is goood! slurps. we head over to kim's house for mahjong where she made us chocolate cake.

the cake is VERY nice. can see the chocolate oozing out? i want to learn!!! motivated to get an oven. hee.

and SUNDAY, met up andy and a few others for dinner and catching up. i received a whole lot of facial masks from him!! he just came back from Korea. super happy... i think can last me 3 months? yays~

mission accomplished

2009-05-21T21:53:00.005+08:00

doesn't it look familiar? =)
yesh! blood donation! finally, after much deliberation of waiting for this and that. i'm happy that i did this again. I felt giddy after the donation, maybe i was a little hungry at that point. And the doctor came and examined, the nurses constantly attended to me and checked if i was ok. wow. And today, they even called to see if i'm alright. so nice of them =)

i was still afraid of the needles and felt a little pain on this 2nd attempt. but anyhoo, if scaredy cat jiayun can do it, i'm very sure u can too!

oooo~ uncle toby + reducing dinner intake helps! i'm ~1kg lighter!

Realise - Colbie Caillat

2009-05-18T22:35:00.001+08:00

Take time to realize,
That your warmth is.
Crashing down on in.

Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.

Take time to realize
This all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you,
No its never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realized what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
Then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.

It's not always the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it to.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

If you just realized what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
Then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
Just realized what I just realized

Missed out on each other now

Bliss @ punggol park

2009-05-18T00:20:00.005+08:00

a dinner date with Teng. =)

i really didnt know punggol park can be this nice.. there's a bliss resturant & bar situated in the neighbourhood park. nice ambience, nice music.. nice place to chill. price is reasonable too!

the only bad thing was service. but well, i guess i can compromise that.

its comforting to have somebody that i can relate to, whereby i'm free to talk and she's there just to listen and advise. its amazing how she's able to speak my heart and emphathise. wow. thanks for being such a goody friend. =)

and i'll give the heart a rest and let my brain do the thinking from now, guess we're all thinkers.

If

2009-05-10T05:14:00.003+08:00

if everything is perfect in the world, people will never learn to cherish.
if everything goes smoothly on what you wish for, human will never be contented.

if everyone loves one another, there will not be war.

"If" is such a big word. If only all the "if-s" happen, how good can it get? But well, not everyday is sunday. There's always some givings and takings, to compromise and to put in effort. I'm counting my blessings, you should too. Don't wait until it is too late to realise and regret.

Look around, the people you love and love you are there.

if it'll happen, it would have happened.

i'm rational.

2009-05-03T23:32:00.006+08:00

have u ever made a sudden decision, on the doubts that have been lingering very long in the mind? like one day when you wake up, you suddenly decided to let go of the past and move on? one sudden moment, you decided to buy the Wii you've been eyeing for for the past 3 months? Or confess your love to somebody?

well, i'm not relating this to "a spur of moment" emotion. Rather, the "i've had enough of this in my head" kind of feeling. The feeling whereby you dont want to feel indecisive anymore and its the last straw you can contain. When after the final decision, you feel much more lighter emotionally.

and recently, i've made such decisions. its sad how ~~always~~ indecisive i am. But i'm really better than before. haha. i made a decision on not to buy sth that i want. there's also a few pacts that i made with myself. Just one day, i woke up, and i feel i should be doing this. i'm weird? But i think its a rational decision. So it must be good for me, though not necessary a happy one.

on a lighter note, i've been wanting to share this conversation that i had on one fateful afternoon. haha i got her permission to post! we were commenting on BGR.... i seriously take my hat off her.
names and time are taken off to protect the person involved. hehe.

XXX [N:37 PM]:
y you two think till so complex?

XXX [N:37 PM]:
my logic very simple

XXX [N:37 PM]:
1) found

XXX [N:37 PM]:
2) not found

XXX [N:37 PM]:
if 1) marry, else remain single

XXX [N:37 PM]:
that's all!

YYY [N:38 PM]:
thats so programming

Tan Jia Yun [N:38 PM]:
n wads the pre requisite to (1)?

YYY [N:38 PM]:
if else, then

Tan Jia Yun [N:38 PM]:
how to find?

Tan Jia Yun [N:38 PM]:
while loop?

XXX [N:38 PM]:
you will know when you find

Tan Jia Yun [N:38 PM]:
haha

XXX [N:38 PM]:
no, its interrupt basis

XXX [N:38 PM]:
dun loop la

XXX [N:38 PM]:
waste time and resources

Tan Jia Yun [N:39 PM]:
sometimes got to loop de leh.

XXX [N:39 PM]:
cos loop got alot of loop holes

XXX [N:39 PM]:
you see :

XXX [N:39 PM]:
while (not found)
find

XXX [N:39 PM]:
if the right one comes at the 1st line

XXX [N:40 PM]:
when you go to the 2nd line, you'd miss the right one

XXX [N:40 PM]:
or if you get context-switched out of this loop and just happen the right one come, you also will miss him

XXX [N:40 PM]:
so in essence, interrupt is better

so, our conclusion, interrupt is better.
if u understand, welcome to the engineering faulty of the "BGR Theory" module!

when i was young..

2009-04-23T22:49:00.004+08:00

i'm in a joyous mood today! bcos, finally there's a day i woke up happier than usual and less tired than usual! and i finally dont have to survive on uncle toby for dinner... i was so looking forward to mum's homecooked soup! i sounded like i havent eaten proper dinner for weeks. but no, it was only two days!

i cant tahan the tiredness every morning... dragging feets to work + busy-ness + driving lessons at night = specs for work + uncle toby for dinner. argh! i was totally disgusted. which explained my excitement in going home for a proper and nice meal. =)

i was on msn with sis.. and she said she might be going taiwan sometime soon for a holiday. i was totally envious, or rather jealous. haha. i also want to go! but jiayun shall stay in singapore, work n save money ~~n play more mj~~ boo.

i dont know why i suddenly thought of this picture. mayb cos i was asking yaya if she n her sister look alike. haha. i took the liberty to post this without consent of sis. i hope she wont kill me!

look at the date! its 1st May 1988! omg. i was barely 3 years old. and bro wasnt even born yet! i always thought me and sis looked like twins in this picure. are u able to guess who's who? we have the same china doll hairstyle. hee.

ahhh i cant remember much about childhood... there were many days that sis and i fought and argued, and i used to bully her! haha. and so i was always caned. Its amazing how these drips and drapes of memories are able to puzzle up the first 10 years of my life. i remember we had five stones and zero points. haha. these are the things thats considered antique now la, can display in museum liao.

ANYWAYs, i heart this picture. ^^

If I were a boy -- Beyonce

2009-04-14T22:37:00.003+08:00

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I'd roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go

Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wated
And I'd never get confronted for it.
Cause they'd stick up for me.

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man.
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I could turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleepin' alone
I'd put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she'd be faithful
Waitin' for me to come home (to come home)

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man.
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don't understand
Yeah you don't understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you're just a boy

i skipped running today!
because i'm lazy and tired.

Good Friday

2009-04-14T22:11:00.005+08:00

its chaowei's birthday celebration @ Grande Vista!

the day started with sunshine, THEN it rained heavily in the afternoon. o.o luckily rain stopped shortly, sufficient for me and a few girls to head down into the swimming pool.

the bbq ppl.. and the umbrellas.

a few snapshots...

the colleagues.

^^

2009-04-07T21:19:00.002+08:00

i've been blogging very random posts lately.
nothing happening and exciting, unless you want me to write a full description of my mahjong-ing weekend or driving lessons. bleh.

well well, i guess things changes as we age, priorities are different too.
i remember the times when i was in secondary and JC, hanging out with friends was always priority, but going and staying at home often sent grumbles. Family togetherness wasn't my utmost concern then. and what now? work expectation, aspirations, ambitions...? nobody said it is easy to grow up. urgh. When life gives many options and choices, i begin to feel uncertain and insecure. but when the choices are few, we lament the unfairness and complain and whine like there's no tmr. boo.

i wonder how many people out there is contented with their life, with the things they have. Recently, i've been feeling contented over little things. I dont know whats causing this change in me. It might only be for a fleeting period for all I know. but feeling contented is good.. it also meant lowering my expectations. SO.. the air is suddenly lighter now, easier for me to breathe. anything more than whats expectated is a surprise and will make me uber happy. =) i hope this last.

i'm starting to get used to many things.
1. Not being as close as we used to be with my love. Doing occasional catch ups on msn.. i hope she's happy. love love~
2. Missing the fridays night out with those kakis.
3. Sleeping alone w/o sis around
4. Daily counting down to Fridays and dragging feets on Monday mornings
is it good or bad? or havent i tried to make enough effort? i dont know. =(

oh and today, for the first time ever since i started work, i skipped lunch and stayed in office. i used to say how sad i'll be if i'm going to be couped in office during lunch time. i think i'm mad. i'm eating little for dinner, and uncle toby-ed for lunch. i'm beginning to be weight conscious. roar. please remind me to eat more..i hope i'm not bulimic.

confused.

hmm..

2009-04-02T23:28:00.003+08:00

i think i'm mads.

i should steer away.

命中注定我爱你 + grumbles

2009-03-28T23:58:00.005+08:00

24 episodes and within 6 days.. I've finished watching!
everyday after work, i'll watched till late. AND I've spent the WHOLE Saturday to finish the show! i feel so 宅女... o.o

it has been such a long time since i've 追-ed an 偶像剧. and yes, the conclusion is "没营养"! not healthy at all~ painted too nice a picture for being in love. that's why it's called drama. -_- but first half of the show is nice, cos it made me tear.

//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\

i was a little disgusted by the instructors of ssdc, on how they conducted their lessons. On one occasion, one of the better instructors was shocked that i wasn't taught the technique on when to right/left turn, how many blindspots there were when i enter a filter lane etc etc. i felt i wasted money on the lessons before man. and so! today i improved tremendously.. haha. at least i felt more confident when driving. but i dont want to spend extra money to fix an instructor, so i shall survive on who i'm allocated to, then complain and grumble...

my brain can't think anymore. TIRED.

which category are you in?

2009-03-24T22:42:00.005+08:00

i copied and pasted from san's blog. yes, i got no originality. haha
but i like this post, so i jus kop. hee =) thanks girl~

To My Friends Who Are............SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often it hurts, but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it. So take your time and choose the best.

To My Friends Who Are............NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's 'perfect person. It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.

To My Friends Who Are............PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPE
Never say 'I love you' if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways.

To My Friends Who Are............MARRIED
Love is not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry.' Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here.' Not 'how could you', but 'I understand.' Not 'I wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are.'

To My Friends Who Are............ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.

To My Friends Who Are............HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

To My Friends Who Are............NAIVE
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.

To My Friends Who Are............POSSESSIVE
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.

To My Friends Who Are.............AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.

To My Friends Who Are............STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go.....

TO ALL MY FRIENDS.......
My wish for you is a man/women whose love is honest, strong, mature,never-changing, uplifting, protective, encouraging, rewarding and unselfish.

its been a long time since i felt like this =)

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

2009-03-16T20:59:00.003+08:00

i did this personality test on mee's blog. hmm.. the results are abit general though, but i must say its fairly accurate.

i'm sharing this!

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

bits and pieces

2009-03-05T00:36:00.003+08:00

OKAYS! i feel like i've done ALOT of things this week.
mayb its 'cos of the two half days i've got from work. yippee! if only everyday are as such. i heard u said "dream on". muaha.

i seriously think that coffee do wonders. it has almost become my lifeline when the zz monster attacked me at work. and i stressed, at work. old town coffee is good.. thanks mee!

i'm such a mahjong freak lately. which explained the need of caffine on one such fateful weekday. its time to have a bit of self discipline and dedicate this time for other usage. its such a fun mind-stimulating game though. and most importantly, i've got good mj kakis. *grinz*

and i've watched marley and me! go catch it if u havent. makes me cry. heh.

i've improved in my driving! whee~ SO excited that i'm on the road now. i like to be behind the wheels! and now, i feel that its good being on the passenger seat. haha. Driver needs to b alert at ALL times, cant afford to compromise safety man. and makes me want to save to get a car.... =)

i saw a giant cockroach and freaked out. i mean, really freaked out. =/

oh. i havent blogged abt the wild wild wet day with my family + others last week. i'm so lazy to post, can jus go sis' blog and read abt it. its funny how my bro tried to drown himself, but me ended up being pushed into the water by him, somehow. haha. we're still in one piece! you should have seen him laughed and smiled. i've never seen him so happy before. ^^ teng and aug had been a great help to look after him. thanks dudes! so now we all know that "life jacket is indeed a lifesaver". hee.

so colourful!!!

in control? or out of control?

simple things that made me happy today!

2009-03-03T22:47:00.005+08:00

1. cooling weather
2. after-work jog (especially when i met my intended no. of rounds)
3. colouring my finger/toe nails
4. doing face mask
5. thinking that i'll be sitting at starbucks slacking with teng tmr
6. thinking that i'll be watching Marley and Me!

yay!

encrypted

2009-03-02T23:59:00.003+08:00

yesh, i'm going to speak in codes again.

something that i've been eyeing for seem within reach. but somehow, the feeling of wanting it is gone. this is so weird, and i seriously begin to have doubts. Was it because of something new that came along the way, or maybe, it jus vanished due to the many unforseen situations? it is kinda sian to experience the whole lot of things again. i'm just so tired to be walking down lanes that i'll end up making an u-turn. AND there's no certainty or guarantee in any forms, no clear signals, nothing. ..i dont know what i'm typin anymore, so its ok if you dont understand. i just wan to rant and grumble. so tired. sleep.

i'm not sure if i'm feeling nothing.

did u read the news?

2009-03-02T23:22:00.003+08:00

i think by now, (almost) everyone should have known about this. such a shocking news!!

NTU EEE final year student stabbed a Prof and then slit his own wrist and jumped off a 5 storey building.
http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/412478/1/.html

i really wonder what triggered the guy to such an act.
tsktsk.. whats the world coming to man.

reflections

2009-02-24T21:33:00.007+08:00

i read sis' blog and it inspired me to post about something similar too.

here i am, my 24th year of life on earth. things definitely felt different, i've grown pretty much, physically, mentally AND emotionally. =) its good in a way, cos i'm more thoughtful and lovable than i was. haha. the bad thing is, i feel so adult-ly. Gone are the days when i can wilfully demand for things. Words i spoke, things i do, everything came with the word "responsibility".

to the people that had stepped in and out of my life and those that are STILL in my life now, i thank you. =D u've watched me grow and be there for me in one way or another, made me a better person. i'm blessed that i'm not alone. i can confide in many, if i wan to. haha. i'm happy! thanks for always being around me.

yes i totally agree with sis. i think of the "what ifs" sometimes too.
..what if we were still together?
..what if we got together?
..what if i won the 10mil toto? lol.
thinking of the 1001 qns that will never have an ans is a plain waste of time. but honestly, who doesnt fantasize/day dream? its inert in human lars, just rmb to wake up from it.

i think i've become more optimistic than i was. i love myself more than before. i dont allow myself to mope and cry and be emo. i hate myself to wallow in self-pity. SO i've been reminding myself to be happy and b thankful for my everyday's life. i realise i've changed pretty much. haha. especially if you read the posts 2 years back, there is definitely a BIG change. excellent, i deserve a big pat on the back =)

i've been procrastinating less too. Going for regular weekly jogs. And finally took up driving! yesh, i'm bhind the wheels now. struggling abit here and there, but i believe that i can do it! my guitar is rusting one corner though. HAHA. oops. mayb i'm still a procrastinator after all.

feels different.

White Horse - Taylor Swift

2009-02-24T00:16:00.002+08:00

Say you're sorry

That face of an angel comes out

Just when you need it to

As I pace back and forth all this time

'Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on,

The days drag on

Stupid girl

I should have known, I should have known

That I'm not a princess

This ain't a fairytale

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet

Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood,

This is a small town

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down

Now its too late for you and your White Horse,

To come around.

Baby I was naive,

Got lost in your eyes

I never really had a chance.

I had so many dreams about you and me.

Happy endings;

Now I know

I'm not a princess

This ain't a fairytale

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet

Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood,

This is a small town

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down

Now its too late for you and your White Horse,

To come around.

And there you are on your knees

Begging for forgiveness,Begging for me

Just like I always wanted,But I'm so sorry

Cause Im not your princess

This ain't our fairytale

Im gonna find someone, Some day

Who might actually treat me well.

This is a big world,

That was a small town

There in my rearview mirror,

Disappearing now.

And it's too late for you and your White Horse

Now its too late for you and your White Horse

To catch me now.

Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh

Try and catch me now

It's too late

To catch me now.

its Valentine's Day!

2009-02-16T00:55:00.009+08:00

wow wow~ its the season of love!
just when i thought i'm gonna b flower-less this V day... i received this! thanks man. =)

there were a lot of plans for this valentine, from port dickson to batam to cruise! and in the end, we settled at SENTOSA! i love the beach. sun basking, ultimate frisbee-ing, volleyball-ing, monkey-ing in the sea... so fun! thanks to the people that made my day! no photos taken on the day, cos i forgot to bring camera! so sad. AND the person who brought camera didnt utilise it. double sadness. mee! it has been very long since we camwhored. =(

i wan to blog more. but i'm feeling tired. i'm tired like almost everyday. sighs.

the sky looks clearer. its time.

grad family photos!

2009-02-12T20:42:00.003+08:00

i need help to choose photos!
went serangoon broadway to take my grad family photo. yes the service is good, but its SUPER expensive! sighs. and the photo shooting process was quite tiring. must keep the head straight and remain still. they didnt have v nice studios though... no mirrors in front to check my own smile. AND it is not digital! if only can photoshop....

pic 1 - daddy's fav. but i dont like! everyone so stern, including baby.

pic 2 - my fav! shall i choose and magify this to 35"? but baby looked away and bro's head nt straight. pic 3- so-so loh. i look ugly. baby got nice smile!
pic 4 - baby looked at camera! but sis n bro head slanted sia.

i've got 20+ photos to choose from... and i cant decide! thats y i hope it can b photoshoped. sighs.

grumbles

2009-02-10T21:09:00.002+08:00

do you feel that you are doing something that you have no passion in and yet, still doing it?
do you feel that you are a slave of money?

i made a choice, stepped into it, and now i'm grumbling.
sometimes i feel like a loser. tsktsk.
shld i hang in there or shld i move on?

i'm not feeling good abt this. =(
and i cant say it too blatantly, if not kana screened again. i wish i can grumble more!

happy NIU year!

2009-01-29T21:46:00.004+08:00

GONG XI FA CAI!

its the period to eat and grow fat. more bak guas, more pineapple tarts, more love letters.
its the period to see clutters of people wear red.
the period to collect ang baos.
the period to gamble.
the period to intro your bf/gf to the family.
the period to lou hei.
..to have Q & A session with relatives.
..to see and talk to relatives whom u see only once a year.
..to realise you dont recognise them anymore.
..to have the perfect excuse to shop and replace the wardrobe!

yes. sis and i bought 16 pieces of clothes in 1/2 day. i am not going to shop for the next 3 months. scold me, if you see me buying. haha.

cny holi is over! back to work for the next few months! no public holi for feb and march. urgh. but thank god i got a job! i was merely grumbling.

thanks for the people who asked and cared. i was jus a lil emo. i'm really ok. i have to be ok.

i can't make you love me

2009-01-29T19:37:00.000+08:00

by Aiza Seguerra (singaporean! i tink. same producer as olivia ong. nice voice, nice song.)

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me

'Cause I can't make you love me If you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
And I can't make you love me
If you don't

I'll close my eyes and then I won't see
The love you do not feel, when you're holding me
Morning will come, and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then, to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

'Cause I can't make you love me If you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
And I can't make you love me
If you don't

Ain't no use in you trying
It's no good for me baby without love
All my tears, all these years, everything I believed in
Baby
Oh yeah
Someone's gonna love me

i want to password this post

2009-01-19T20:27:00.008+08:00

its weird. it started with prickling pain in the heart, then a mull of overwhelming sadness and then tears in the eyes. i should be happy, for him. and i'm so sure that they'll be so happy together. i dont know that other girl. but i know that, if i were her, i'll cherish him like there's only him in the world. never, never let it go.

honestly, it was my bad, my wrongdoing. i wasnt in any position to comment now. its the only thing i would change if i could go back to the past. but the answer is, NO, i cant. i moved on..i tried to moved on. i got into a state of self denial. brought myself back into this world n started to live again.

i know its past tense. i'm putting this chapter down. in fact, i've alr closed this chapter. but its jus weird, weird that i'm tearing now. the feeling of reading an old book u've read long time ago but yet still cry on it, even knowing the content. i appreciate everything he'd done. how i was taught to love, taught to cherish and taught to let go. i am a better person because of him. thank you. =)

and i realise the beauty of msn.
with msn. i can easily hide my feelings. i can pretend to be busy. i can be crying but yet appear to still be chatty and "alive". might sound like a hypocrite to you. but to me, this mask is essential.

very good. at the end of this post, i've stopped tearing. i've moved on..n so does he. i'll do anything, anything for his happiness.

happy things!

2009-01-15T23:25:00.005+08:00

1. i registered driving at ssdc today! going behind the wheels in feb!

2. found myself liking this:

its in my wishlist!

3. very motivated to learn my guitar well. oops! i think i didnt tell you? i got myself a guitar!

its yet another wedding dinner.

2009-01-11T21:26:00.004+08:00

yesyes, i've been to 4 wedding dinners in a year. and the dinner i went ytd was at Amara hotel. its one filled with blessings and some moments of 感动.

sis and i. we spent quite a bomb to change our "look". did u notice it?

not my bf. sis' bf. lol. its meet the family day for him!

not my bf too. my cousin. he's on tv. catch him on sat night singing competition. he got into finals~

the bride! oops. she got too tired from smiling at the camera for the whole day. one of my closest cousins. the groom proclaimed and vowed to treat her well. so sweeeets.
we made her "drink" our blessings! caught on camera!

if you have not noticed, sis extended her hair to super long. and i highlighted my hair. =D

Kelong Trip Part 1

2009-01-08T23:56:00.002+08:00

my first overseas trip in year 2009.
i organised a trip to "hot boys kelong". Googled it and you can see their website. looked all nice, the pictures, the fresh seafood, sunrise, sashimi, big catch of fish, island hopping, ktv, pool... wahhhhs. makes me drroooool.

SO we set off very early one morning, at 7am, and drove up to kota tinggi and to tanjung lehman. lost our way abit but still able to locate the place after asking a few ppl. it was raining that day.. in fact one whole day + night. the bum boat ride was bad, but still manage to take some decent pictures:

when we finally reached the kelong... my first reaction was "omg. refugee camp?"
all of us were drenched and sticky and had our lunch in the dark (the ppl dont want to switch the light on, duno y!). since the day was bad, there wasnt any island hopping. sads.

i didnt take pictures of the toilet. there's really a hole and whatever business you've done would be dropped directly into the sea. imagine fishing near the toilets...and eating the fishes u caught. eeeeeeks.

the kelong is a bit of disappointment to me. mayb if it didnt rain, there would have been more fun. we did go fishing for awhile, but the weather's too cold. Teng caught 3 small fishes and i caught none. haha.

Kelong Trip Part 2

2009-01-08T23:39:00.004+08:00

so its cold, and raining.

besides taking photos....

we mahjong-ed.

haha. we mahjong-ed almost 12 hours. in between there's fishing and strum 'n' sing session, to keep ourselves entertained.

big prob no. 1 : there wasnt water heater! we asked the person to boil hot water for us. if not we'll be showering with freezing cold water in freezing cold temperature.

big prob no. 2: the beds were sticky n dirty. it might be due to the rain (or mayb the ppl dont wash at all). and the blanket made me itch... tink got bed bugs!! i barely slept 2 hours that night.

its an adventure camp. hoho.

we left on the first boat the next morning...

the end of kelong trip...

2009-01-08T23:35:00.000+08:00

after the first boat ride out, we went to kota tinggi's waterfall.
not the man-made waterfall you see at jurong birdpark.

the water came from mountains.. and we decided to take a dip in!

we're all tired after the "jacuuzi"...

we shopped awhile at city square then went taman sentosa for seafood dinner. =)

its a fruitful trip! and i realise that i'm too much of a city person. hoho. the next time if i'm going kelong again, i'll make sure i'm fully geared and prepared. heh.

welcome 2009!

2008-12-31T22:39:00.002+08:00

its year 2009!
new year new resolution? haha. but i always never meet my resolutions. boo.

i want to be healthy and exercise more! keep my weight under control. hoho.

ANYWAY, my 2008 has been.. not bad?

i finally finally graduated from NTU and obtained an honors. not a good honors BUT i'm alr v happy and contented. i got rid of human resource management, got rid of FYP, got rid of travelling all the way from sk to boon lay, queueing for bus 179, exams stress....whee~

went bintan and drove buggy for the first time! very very addictive. i want to go again! love the sun, love the beaches, love the spa minus massage. haha and the mahjong sessions. =)

and so, i landed myself in the hush hush sector, got a job and decided to be an engineer! so from bus 179, i found myself to be squeezing on bus 145 every morning. hurhur. its a mini ntu place, nice and fun-loving colleagues. i had the opportunity to fly to australia for exposure and growth. love overseas travels, hope there are more to come! and i flew back myself! *so proud* from rockhampton to brisbane and back to singapore.

and year 2008, i'm single again. smell freedom~!

a whole loadful of photos! i love picasa~

2008-12-28T23:44:00.007+08:00

i wanted to post these pictures looooooong ago. been procrastinating. haha. these are whats above central. cool stuffs =) its a saturday.. and nobody!!

..and this was pre-xmas celebration with my collegues. KTV session!!

didnt take pictures on xmas eve. in the end.. teng didnt whipped up dishes. =( we had steamboat! prepared it with her whole afternoon.. and we wasted so much food. so sinful...

on xmas day.. it was bbq-ing at xiaowei's hse. she made an effort to do this:

woahh.. so nice right! santa hats hanging from the ceiling. and thats mine!! =D

JY with xiaowei~

so chrismasy!

xmas-es?

2008-12-18T23:39:00.005+08:00

its xmas next week! =)

i was thinking of how i celebrated my past christmas-es. and the most unforgettable one flashed across my mind. Year.. 2003? haha. that was 5 years back. xmas eve, caught the movie ju-on (yes its a horror show) at tiong bahru plaza and after which we headed to sentosa. it was alr past midnight. we settled at siloso beach, lied down and counted the stars. =) i've never count stars ever since, never had the chance maybe. the naive yet sweet thing that i've done when i was 18. there were 60+ stars that night.

i dont really rmb what happened on the following years. but year 2005 we had a bbq at ecp. there was me sis jacq san and aug. it has been a super long time since this party of 5 come together.

and at 2006, i rmb vividly that sis and i spent it at acoustic. can't rmb what happened. i only rmb alcohol. hurhur.

2007.. no recollection.

and yes! 2008!! i hope it will b fun~ Teng is gg to whipped up some dishes on xmas eve. and we're gg to dress sth with accordance to the theme "christmas". i'm looking forward. yeayea. and 25th we're gg xiaowei's hse for bbq! whoooo~ did i hear santa coming?

shiok

2008-12-16T22:12:00.004+08:00

i wanted to post photos of the gym and jaccuzi pool i went on sat.
but... kind of lazy.

its very very nice. almost felt like a private house. and you cant believe it, its situated at clarke quay's central. i want to go again! and i realise exercising actually burns very lil calories. hmph. we should do it more often =)

christmas is around the corner. the season of thanksgiving~
time to shop for xmas gifts! AND jamie opened an online shop! i want to reccommend EVERYONE reading this post to go have a look. its cheap! click it!

http://www.j-onlineshop.blogspot.com/

leave me alone

2008-12-11T22:28:00.003+08:00

sometimes i feel like staying in my corner and nv walk out of that door.

sometimes i feel like keeping quiet and not say anything at all.

sometimes i feel like ripping you and listen to what your heart says.

its so easy to "feel like" doing something, but yet we're not doing it. I cant stay in my corner, I cant kp quiet all day. i've been feeling shitty these days. i jus wish to stay at home.. so its jus work, and home. simple and nice.

sth i wrote long ago.

2008-12-10T23:21:00.002+08:00

失去的，还真的要不回来了。。。

- 26 02 2007

random thoughts

2008-11-25T23:48:00.004+08:00

nopes. its not about australia.
haha. wait til i get more photos and it'll b... wad? aust part 4?

things felt different. i changed my proactive attitude totally, but yet, didnt feel gd abt it. not that i feel good before. i just feel so fake. and i believe that after many trials, i'll be an expert in pretence. so pro that no one can sense it. yes, absolutely no one.

the walls start to build again - being defensive and protective towards self. i didnt wan to shield against anyone on purpose, it just come naturally. there are things that i dont wan to say anymore and there are things that i dont wan to tell. sometimes i dont even know why i snapped, and i'm sorry if i snapped at you.

something's eating into me. what i'm blessed with is friends. friends that reli care and understand. a fren that KNOWS me and read me like an open book. pointed out that i dont eat strawberry flavour, i dont like sour stuffs, and nitty gritty things that i might not even notice. how cool is that? you know who you are =) friends that who will confide in me even though we dont meet for months. of cos, i'm sad that i'm unable to kp in touch with sis. once, we were so close and now, a distant apart.

to count what i have on my hands and not those that had left. i remember this.
sounds like a reflection post. haha. i am going to work hard and kp the people in my hand. and i wan to say that i miss you, sis! meet up soon~ =)

aust trip part 3 featuring animals

2008-11-19T22:07:00.006+08:00

OKAYS. the above dedicated to Teng. the kangaroos i promised to deliver.

i was at this park in rockhampton. the park is huge, with a small zoo inside...

the park has a small cactus garden too. and i did this sitting posture which sent a stinging sensation on my first try. =x

we drove to work everyday for abt 1.5hrs. long stretch of straight roads and rows and rows of trees. sometimes the road seemed like its taking me all the way to heaven. haha. and i see lots of cows too. thats wad aust is famous for. their beef sure taste good. =) i'm starting to miss aust's hogsbreath restaurant!

if only i can, i'll take a pic of the starry sky at night. the sky which is peppered with stars, the sky which in sg, is impossible to see. there wasnt streetlights, there wasnt any source of light within 5km or even 10km. we switched off the carlights.. and i gasped. it is beyond my vocabulary to find any suitable descriptions.

aust trip part 2

2008-11-12T22:22:00.004+08:00

we went mount archer! walked through some trekking tracks and came these breathtaking views...the entire rockhampton was under our feet!

and jus in time to catch the sun set!

it was freezing cold while waiting for the sun to set... aint the sun set beauitful?

aust trip part 1

2008-11-07T22:57:00.005+08:00

yes! i'm back from aussie!

its my first time to australia, second time on plane...approximately 7.5hrs on SQ + 1 hr on domestic flight. n domestic flight sux, makes me air sick! anyhoo, thanks to all peeps that came all the way n sent me off. =)

we touched down at brisbane at a temperature of 11 degree celsius. hee. its cold, yet shiok. got onto domestic flight and another 1hr car ride to our villa. thats why there were only scenic pictures. All of us were really tired after the loooong journey.

i love the views from our villa. Its what i woke up to every morning. i was told that its the pacific ocean that i was looking at! i love sitting at the balcony, u'll love it too. =)

and if you were the one that i was chatting with on msn when i was in australia, this was the staircase where i sat and surfed net. the wind was chilly at night!

its quite boring in aust. shops closed at 5pm! and their sun rises at typically 3.45am, which meant that even if i woke up at 5.30am aust time, it feels like a 7am in sg. its super-ly hot in the afternoons, which made all sorts of sunblock + moisturise necessary. i missed sg food terribly too! n of cos, miss you too.... hee.

sometimes i wonder...

2008-11-04T19:52:00.002+08:00

i wonder how people look at me.
i wonder abt the significance of my presence in their life.

am i important to you?